My name is [James Leahy]. I had an accident, and I woke up [temping in Worcestershire]. Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever’s happened, it’s like I’ve landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get [back to my previous life].

What do you call those people who are convinced that the world is there because they are? I don’t think I am (I hope I’m not) but a lot of my favourite films (The Truman Show, Vanilla Sky, Solaris) share this theme and it’s something I occaisionally think about. The paragraph above is a recurring mission statement (I hate that phrase so sorry) that continues to rattle around in my head, as it has since early last year, because my current situation is, to a degree, echoed by Sam’s predicament in Life on Mars. I’m convinced that Manchester in Life on Mars is an involuntary construct of Sam in that it just seems to have trapped him and is relentless in its refusal to release him. Worcester exudes a similarly bleak and foreboding quality to this stylised and slightly unreal Manchester of 1973 (it’s certainly not the most attractive and welcoming place in the world, something perhaps not helped by the time of year). Like Sam, I’m helped along the way by the cast of great people I’ve worked with at Aiim, the city’s branch of the Cheltenham and Gloucester, CAFCASS and latterly Sanctuary Housing (the changing of jobs in itself feels episodic). It just feels like, as with Sam, it might only be me who decides when I escape. I keep hoping that at some point it all becomes clear what I’m doing in this wretched place and I’ll realise how to escape. In the same way as the slogan for The Truman Show reads “How’s it Going to End?” I’m looking forward to seeing how that light at the end of the tunnel will manifest itself (y’know, as opposed to wondering how I’m going to die, because that would just be a bit morbid…).

I’ve finished whining now and if you’ve read this far then I owe you a drink at some point. Cheers.

I was born on a rainy Saturday afternoon and, as the nursery rhyme goes, I think I’ve worked hard for things generally, even if sometimes this was because I didn’t know how to work smart. Case in point is my current situation. My latest temping assignment sees me working for Aiim Europe (yes, I know they can’t spell). It’s a telemarketing data-cleaning gig that requires me to work my way through a lot of old contact information and check to see if it’s still current and goes a little something like this; “Hi. My name’s James and I’m calling from a company called Aiim Europe. We’re updating our contacts and I was hoping you might be able to tell me whether the following people are still working for you…?” [x 100 each day]. The person on the other end of the line will either respond by saying “Yes certainly, what are the names?” or (more often) “I’m afraid I can’t give you that information because of data- protection/our company’s no-name policy” or  (most frequently) “Let me put you through to someone who can help…” (you can imagine where that leads). This is only a natural response because either the person answering the phone doesn’t have access to this information or they don’t want the responsibility of leaking a colleague’s details in this age of deception and fraud.

Now it’s hard work maintaining enthusiasm and keeping going when you aren’t getting much co-operation, there’s little or no variety and the work is less well paid than anything I’ve done for years. I can’t claim it’s the worst telemarketing job I’ve had because I’m not actually selling anything, the day does actually go by quicker than you’d think and it is probably the kind of challenge I need. My boss did say that this job is a bit of a company joke as in they take bets on whether or not the temp shows up on day 2. My showing up this morning either means that I’m determined to get to the end of the job to prove to myself I can do it, I’m desperate for the cash, I’m a masochist or that I’m daft. Which one? Let me put you through to someone who can help…

Naomi and I went to see Treats at Malvern last week. I’d wanted to see this production ever since I found out that Little Billie Pipsqueak was in it and that I’d get to be in relatively close proximity to her. Sigh. Didn’t really know very much about it but was interested to see what Ms Piper would be like on stage and as she was to be joined by Kris Marshall and Laurence Fox I was keen to see the three of them lock horns. The trio worked very well together and the dynamic was good over throughout the duration. The story concerns Ann who has used Dave’s (Marshall) recent trip to abroad to get out of what, for her, must have been an oppressive and chronically demeaning relationship and she has kicked him out of her apartment and installed well-meaning and amiable but wholly-inadequate Patrick (a fantastic Laurence Fox). Now, Dave is an absolute bastard. Adopting the divide-and-conquer approach he proceeds to be aggressively nasty to Ann and genial to Patrick (after having announced his return by punching him squarely in the face and apologised by bringing him flowers).  It’s clear that Dave knows he must win Ann back or face some sort of oblivion and the recurring theme was not so much his behaviour but that he knew it was an essential strategy he must employ. The continuing issue of Ann only responding to varying amounts of emotional blackmail, slander, verbal abuse and physical violence was the most disturbing (and compelling) aspect. Ann has the choice of Patrick’s sensible, if indecisive, and optimistic behaviour vs Dave’s self-loathing, sociopathic and spiteful tactics. Both men clearly do love Ann but it is clear that Dave needs her in a way that Patrick is not capable of. Certainly Ann tries to go it alone after she realises that she is only with Patrick on the rebound yet she still allows herself to be bullied back into the relationship and although it was depressingly predictable, you can’t help wishing she could find another way. The title referred at one point to break-up sex but also to the actual process of negotiating getting back together. I hadn’t realised, because I’ve never actually read it, but Christopher Hampton wrote ‘Treats’ while working on translating Ibsen’s ‘A Doll’s House’ (which I finally picked up a copy of recently). It seems Hampton felt that the issue of women (maybe men too?) trapping themselves in oppressive and hopeless (not to mention abusive) relationships was just as relevant in the 1970’s as it had been a hundred years previous and that maybe Ibsen’s play was too subtle and not shocking enough. Except that the wife leaves the marriage in Ibsen’s play which is arguably what was so exciting about it. This made me think of Joe Penhall’s play ‘Love and Understanding’ (again two guys and a gal) where despite the happiness of the couple at the outset (perhaps ‘contentment’ is a better word) and the obviously self-destructive personality of the third party the girlfriend is drawn to sleep with the newcomer as much by his manipulations as by the inability or unwillingness of the boyfriend to react in the desired way. Or was she? We all crave excitement and if things have gotten stale (read ‘stable’ or ‘predictable’) then you might well start looking around or, at any rate, become susceptible to being lead astray. In ‘When Harry Met Sally’ Harry is discussing his recently failed marriage with a friend. His friend nods sagely and says “Marriages don’t break up on a count of infidelity.  It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.” Harry replies, “Oh really?  Well that symptom is fucking my wife.”

Saw today that the government have finally announced the dates for the nationwide smoking bans for next year. Was a bit surprised when I read it was going to be July as initial reports suggested March. As much I’ll be sad to see the end of smoking in pubs and the inevitable change in pub culture that will come about, I recognise that it’s a good thing for public health and am planning to use the opportunity to help me quit properly, as I’m sure a lot of people will (perhaps a lot of publicans will use it as an opportunity to redecorate). I tend to be a social smoker and I find that a snout goes really well with a pint but have to acknowledge that it’s more of a prop and that I just need to work on feeling more relaxed in public which isn’t always easy for me. I have very little will power and the inverse relationship between alcohol consumed and my determination to avoid smoking doesn’t help. I suppose I’ll just have to be that bit more determined not to smoke for the four extra months (one if I lived in Wales or N. Ireland - why is their ban introduced in April anyway? What gives?)

Shopping at this time of year takes on a surreal quality even if you’re just out for groceries. I usually try to plan my Xmas shopping so that I know exactly what I’m going to buy for each person on my list and it’s a slick operation that allows me to pick up the items and get clear of the madness and back into the pub with my friends as quickly as possible. I was in town the other day and was confronted with the traditional bazaar of Stuff you can buy if you’re not sure what to get someone. Was particular puzzled this year by a few things (maybe someone can shed some light on the following);

Why is it that bands (e.g. Oasis) now feel obliged to use their Best Of to make their career appear better than it actually was?

Why has Jeremy Clarkson entitled his new book “And Another Thing: The World According to Clarkson Volume 2” when no one was in the least bit interested in the first thing?

(Most annoyingly) Why do I only remember that I need a copy of “It’s A Wonderful Life” on DVD at this time of year when it gets re-priced at double its normal value?

Tragically, despite the fact that my interview had gone well and I thought I was in with a chance, Aardman finally got in touch to say that I had been unsuccessful and they’d gone for someone else. Since I had heard nothing for two weeks I had come to realise that they were not eager to engage my skills. The mistake I had made was in e-mailing the HR department to have this clarified once and for all. I had an apologetic e-mail back saying sorry and that the powers that be were “…still reviewing applicants.” This naturally raised my hopes again before someone got in touch the next day and informed me that I had definitely been unsuccessful. I got the impression that any decisions had been made quite some time ago as the person apologised again, claiming that the production office had thought that HR were doing rejection calls and HR thought that the production office were the ones to do this.

The interview had been for a production secretary gig on a children’s flash animation series called Planet Sketch which was a co-production with Canada and involved a lot of co-ordinating of departments and arranging artists voice-overs. The actual job sounded fun and the Aardman studios would have been an awesome place to work (the signs on the walls had super helpful things written on them like “This Way” and one memo informed staff that Friday was “Wrong Trousers Day” – an annual occasion designed to raise cash for charity by partaking in a pub crawl suitably attired in trousers that were just not right). The fact that it was based in Bristol was another thing that I had been Über keen on (you know my feelings on that place). But it was not to be and I just wished that they had let me down sooner rather than the two torturous weeks I spent thinking that I could get my life back.

I hate this year.

I employ the past tense “used to” because you may not anymore. You may instead listen to kickin’ tunes; the greatest hits; anthems; floor fillers; singles etc. Since Rob was kind enough to ask what was up for debate next, this was a topic that came up over the weekend.

Now that there’s no compulsion to listen to those album tracks that aren’t as seductive as the singles, why bother with them? The digital revolution has underlined the power of The Song. The album as a concept seem a bit redundant. And why should an album deserve to sell well when it’s relying on three or four solid tunes (that may well have been recorded separately under the guidance of a superior producer) and merely supplemented with a host of second-rate fillers that are little better than b-sides, or instrumentals or at worst, ambient nothingness?

But then isn’t this the price you pay for discovering a couple of gems? A few songs that really should have been singles or a slow-burn epic that is structured so that it builds or even explodes into a euphoric wonder (it might sound all the sweeter for you having invested that bit of extra time). There might even be a few songs that didn’t appeal or washed over you the first or second or even third time you heard them that have over time become your favourite tracks that you might never have heard if you had only downloaded the singles. Maybe you’ve now listened to those same singles so many times that you’ve reached saturation and let’s face it, you’ve gone off them now. And let’s not forget those concept albums that are structured so that each track developes on the last or is mixed into the next track or the album as a whole tells a story where removing a track would be like editing out a chapter of a novel.

Maybe your playlists are made up exclusively of party favourites or head bangers and you only bought singles before or had to use that track skip button too much before but maybe you miss developing an appreciation of the whole album and those pieces that allow the oft overlooked keyboardist/bass guitarist (who is a virtuoso with a musical saw) of the band to display their genius?

We got to talking about which was best overall. I’d be interested to know your opinions and also whether the digital music revolution has forced or made people naturally lean towards one way or the other.

Of my 8112 items in iTunes 316 of them are music videos, little movie shorts, cool ads or comedy sketches and I’ve got some 931 photos or scanned images in iPhoto. The time has come to sort out the external video feed so that I can put these up on a TV. Anyone’s TV.

Since beginning to dump files onto the iPod in late February I knew I would want to get the slideshow and video jukebox capabilities of the little fella configured. I’d read various web sites about people using a jack plug to 3 X phono plug (any traditional camcorder A/V output cable) to export your images I thought that this would be easy, and it was. In the end.

Firstly getting hold of one of these cables on the high street isn’t all that easy as PC World, Dixons etc. didn’t stock them. They stock all manor of kits that include a few things that are useful and plenty that you’ve either already got or don’t want that must be artificially expensive. In the end a quick search on eBay allowed me to pick one up for a few quid. Hoorah!

The other thing that wasn’t clear to me at first was that you need to set the iPod up to feed the video out of the jack, it won’t do it automatically. You also can’t watch video on an external source and on the iPod’s screen; it’s an either/or scenario. This doesn’t bother me though.

So now the videos work and I can show pictures on a TV with an accompanying soundtrack made up of a playlist or whatever I’m currently listening to in the iTunes library. I’ve only got a few problems at the moment. Firstly it doesn’t seem to be possible to play just music tracks when the video out is activated and secondly the slideshows I’ve created in iPhoto don’t seem to appear on the iPod; just the photo albums that spawned them (which I haven’t done that much with).

The good thing is that although I can’t find out how to shuffle music vids on iTunes or to get one to follow on from another in full screen mode without selecting it for each track after it’s started playing, the iPod does automatically do this so I’ve got my video jukebox afterall. And after I’ve tinkered with my photo albums I should have everything I’ve been after. Then only problem will then be memory and managing it all. So far I’ve been able to download everything and synchronise each program but when I have to be choosy about what goes on there, it’ll suddenly become more time consuming. Maybe it’ll be time to upgrade by then!

“Little acts of kindness; Make us all feel better.” How true. Monday had seen me spend me all day at Malvern College making a small amount of headway with the interminable dull CLAiT course I’m currently doing. Now don’t laugh, I’m not doing this because I’m entirely computer illiterate, merely because I have no recognised computer qualification and I did have to admit to myself that I’d never actually been shown how to use Excel, Database or Power Point and probably should know. I foolishly thought I’d be able to gain my qualification in a couple of mornings but so far it’s taken a little longer than that. Mainly because the supervisor has to spend a lot of time with people who need a lot of attention (my class mates range from people with learning difficulties to people with attention issues, people with both and older folk with no grasp of IT whatsoever) and despite the fact that I’m doing very basic stuff and completing an assessment is very straightforward I still need to be handed the actual exercises and assessments. Consequently I complete my task and then have to wait around for ages for an audience with teacher. I’m getting a lot of reading done but it’s so slow and frustrating. Anyway a day of this and I’m ready to kill someone. Or maybe it was the other way round. Dad collected me on Monday afternoon and informed me that a “tube” had arrived for me. I didn’t recall ordering anything and I didn’t think I’d been doing any sleep shopping or making any drunken bids on eBay so I was puzzled. I asked Father if the tube had made any ticking noises or smelled peculiar but he didn’t think it was an assassination attempt. I got home and saw that the tube in question had a California postmark on it once I saw Mr LJC’s name on it I guessed instantly that it must be a movie poster. But which one? Tearing away tape with fury I was delighted to find a glossy new Casino Royale poster with Craigy looking his most convincing yet as “Her Majesty’s Loyal Terrier”.

Thanks Mr Cinema Purveyor!

I’ve finally solved my analogue to digital woes! Or rather I should say that I’ve had them solved for me. Rob put me on to the rather helpful Canopus ADVC110 which very simply allows the analogue video, and right and left stereo inputs from my VHS player to be converted to a digital signal so that a FireWire cable can deliver it straight into the hungry jaws of the capture mode of iMovie. The family movie project is now well underway and just needs some serious re-ordering and editing. As soon as I’ve sussed out how to isolate the audio I will also be able to do audio-only files which will mean my parents can transfer their sizeable vinyl collection onto CD and I can convert a few of those hard-to-find tracks from Minidisc. Some of my VHS tapes have been wholly co-operative but others insist on flaunting their Macrovision, which inhibits the Canopus, as it’s very respectful of these things. The beautiful thing about the Canopus, apart from the fact that I can record live TV onto the computer, is that it allows the flow to be reversed and I can record anything from the computer onto VHS. The only downside was that the box wasn’t cheap. I was originally searching around for a simple cable that would do the same job without realising that the process was rather more complicated and really had to pay for it. Still, it’s a done deal now and I can get on with the serious business of transferring stuff. Which is nice.